Friday, September 30, 2011

Stranger Danger

My roommate has a man staying with her next weekend. That is, staying with us since we live in the same university apartment. He’s 33; that’s 11-years-older than she is. He’s driving from Pennsylvania. She met him three weeks ago—Online.

Now, I realize that in the day of social networking, video chatting, and, it’s not that unusual to meet a significant other online. My best friend met her new boyfriend online. And my aunt met her husband online… and then she met her other husband online…

The world being as big as it is and as populated as it is, logically you’re probably not going to find ‘the one’ two doors over, at the local corner store, or in the front row of your biology class. Odds are (or should be, if you draw up the math) that you may need to venture outside your city, or even your state to find this special person. ‘The one’ might be planting corn fields in Delaware, mixing coconut-filled drinks in Hawaii, ice fishing in Greenland, or picket-signing bull fights in Spain. Why not? 

But a 33-year-old you found 3 weeks ago online who’s driving from Pennsylvania to spend the weekend in a student’s apartment? 

This guy is obviously going to kill us. And not a conventional, on the five-o-clock news kind of kill. This is going to be a bad teenage movie: hide-in-the-shower-butcher-knife-and-masks-not-even-one-out-of-the-four-of-us-can-get-away-and-somebody-is-in-their-underwear-the-whole-time-for-no-reason-at-all kind of murder.  

Did you catch that? If not, just check your movie listings.

This pretty much goes against everything we were taught our whole lives regarding stranger danger. Such as:

Don’t talk to strangers.
Don’t get into a stranger’s car.
Don’t tell a stranger where you live.

It’s a much better idea to meet in a public place, have some sort of escape plan, “Google” them for felonies, and to not invite them to spend three days living and sleeping in your bedroom before you actually see them in person. 

Since I have no choice in the matter, I’ll be barricading my door and sleeping with the kitchen knives.


  1. Hi Lauren!

    First, I just have to say that this post had me laughing out loud. I can relate. My best female friend just joined a dating site. The only thing I said to her was "That’s fine if you want to end up in someone's trunk, but I'm not climbing in after you."

    I loved how you brought up everything we're taught as children about "stranger danger". Nice touch!

    And I love the last line! I hope you didn't have to employ the escape plan or use the kitchen knives :)

    Ps. I tried to respond to your question on my blog and it says I'm not authorized to post. ha-ha Apparently I'm not cool enough for my own blog. As soon as I fix the kinks, I'll respond:)

  2. Haha. So good! I love your ironic tone, your intentional use of cliches and the way this is hardly a story at all but still thoroughly entertaining!