Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Bereavement


In 2007, my grandfather died. He had cancer.

Four weeks ago, I started writing about it. In piecing together what I remembered, I found my quotations missing lost words from conversations that I wanted to erase at the time. I guess it worked. At the fourth paragraph, I put it away.

When I was in high school, my grandfather introduced me to Johnny Cash’s “When The Man Comes Around.” He had to explain the symbolism. In my mind, my grandfather and the songs are the same. 

When he died, I took off school. I told my teacher the day I would be back. When that day came, we had a lesson on death and symbolism and poetry- I wanted to run from the classroom.

When my grandfather died, my mother read a book called ‘A Guide to Bereavement,” or something like that. I learned that bereavement was a nice way to say ‘grief.’ Kind of like ‘friendly fire’ is a nice way to say that you went to war and blew your friends and neighbors to shreds of once-human pieces. I thought that a guide to bereavement would be no more helpful than a book that explained how you already feel. I didn’t need to read what I was already feeling; but I hoped it helped her.

Last Wednesday, I was told that my Pappy, my paternal grandfather, was put in the ICU. He has cancer. I was told “it doesn’t look good.” 

Today, I am again experiencing precipitating grief. A term that I read about in Family Science two years ago. I wonder why we study the experience of precipitating grief when, whether we learned about it or not, we all experience it. To me, learning about a feeling before we’re blessed or cursed to feel it holds no benefit. It’s like learning about ‘taste’ before we are allowed to take a bite.

4 comments:

  1. A beautiful small essay, Lauren. I could talk about the techniques you've used so well, but that seems a redundant exercise. Let me say instead, that as I write this comment, I'm listening "The Man Comes Around," and letting the emotional taste of your post linger.

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  2. I like your take on experiences-some things defy initial explanations, explanations that mean nothing unless you feel it. The terms cannot convey the emotion or what they mean, no matter how articulate the definition. I enjoyed your thoughtful post.

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  3. This is really good too. The first and last paragraphs are my favorite parts. My favorite part of my favorite parts is: "I wonder why we study the experience of precipitating grief when, whether we learned about it or not, we all experience it. To me, learning about a feeling before we’re blessed or doomed to feel it holds no benefit. It’s like learning about ‘taste’ before we are allowed to take a bite."
    I kinda wish that's where it ended though.

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  4. Elizabeth, I agree with your last point. The ending feels slightly incomplete without the last 2 lines, but deleting the last two lines was definitely a step in the right direction. Thank you! It was a good observation.

    And thank you Valerie and Prof. Downs for your comments as well.

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